hello, i haven’t updated in a long time (mainly because i was too busy to blog, but also because i didn’t have anything to blog about).

it’s exam week, but that’s the least of my concerns i guess because the ACET is in less than 2 weeks. time to write freaking-out and it’s-all-up-to-God blogs again.

i got my first G in an AP essay, so i’m really happy. this happiness will probably be EATEN ALIVE by the monster known as my first trim. AP exam.

oh, i watched this REALLY REALLY REALLY funny (it was funny because it was so stupid) movie with my friends. things i will never forget about it:

  • the way that girl said calamares (“calama-RES”). it was so funny.
  • one of the moms’ weird, red eye
  • said mom (who is a caterer) bursting into the bathroom during her son’s prom to see him kissing his geometry remedial teacher (“I CAME HERE FOR THE CUPCAKES AND THIS IS WHAT I SEE?!”)
  • in general just how bad and weird it was

that’s all for now, i guess.

PS. can’t wait for the 2nd movie. “the musicale


007: the language of the flowers

Once I spoke the language of the flowers,
Once I understood each word the caterpillar said,
Once I smiled in secret at the gossip of the starlings,
And shared a conversation with the housefly
in my bed.
Once I heard and answered all the questions
of the crickets,
And joined the crying of each falling dying
flake of snow,
Once I spoke the language of the flowers. . . .
How did it go?
How did it go?

Forgotten Language by Shel Silverstein

Readers can feel how sad and regretful the speaker is because of his repetition of words and phrases. The word “once,” which is repeated throughout the poem, is usually used in fairytales and can be thus associated with childhood and happy endings; however, that is not the case in this poem. The speaker has lost something beautiful and can never get it back. He can never have his happily ever after. The speaker asks “How did it go?” twice, but of to no use. There is no reply or answer, no explanation. The silence that follows is an answer in itself: what has happened has happened and cannot be changed, it can only be accepted. The repetition of the word “once” can also be a reflection of how much of a routine his life is today. As he is all grown up now, he has lived long enough to see what the world really is; nothing is new to him anymore.

Despite how old or experienced the speaker is, he does not use fancy words or a strict rhyme and meter to show off his maturity and old age. By using simple words he attempts to be young again, when life was simple and free from the superfluous and excess. He also creates a slight rhyme by ending line 2 with “said” and line 5 with “bed,” and later on by using “snow” in line 9 and “go” in the last two lines of the poem. Rhymes are associated with playfulness, so here the readers see again his efforts to be a child. The speaker, like any other adult, is trying to return to the time when life was uncomplicated.

People always want what they do not have; when people age, they try and try to be young again. Physically, beauty products are available to magically erase wrinkles and all signs of aging. Emotionally and mentally, however, there is nothing in this world that can bring people back to the days when they understood flowers, talked to animals and objects, and cried because of snowflakes. The beauty and life that people find in the smallest things are lost when they grow up and are exposed to the harsh realities of life. Innocence is not borrowed by the real world – innocence is taken and kept forever. The experiences of a person cannot be erased from the human mind because they create the person and define the way he thinks, speaks, and acts.

As gloomy as this all sounds, there is, however, hope. Although adults cannot be as innocent as children, they can see the same world when they are happy or in love. When adults see what children see, are childlike but are not childish, they reach a high level of maturity and understanding. These grown ups overcome the problems and corruptions of the world by finding the beauty in the darkest and ugliest things. Love and happiness can open the eyes of people to the beauty of life, and the forgotten language can be remembered.


006: blackbirds

He rode over Connectivut

In a glass coach

Once, a fear piereced him,

In that he mistook

The shadow of his equipage

For blackbirds.

This is one of the thirteen stanzas in Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird by Wallace Stevens.

In this stanza, the man was not simply scared or shaken by the sight of what he thought was a blackbird. He was “pierced”  – struck motionless and frozen – in his fear of these imaginary blackbirds. This man exhibits something that all humans have in common: a fear for the indecipherable.  Ever since our creation, we have built a structure of knowledge that transcends our own world and reality. We try to explain everything we know of – from everyday events, to our emotions, to the galaxies light years away, and everything in between. Man creates knowledge, and therefore society, all based on his imagination. People are praised for answering (or at least helping answer) the questions of humanity; Scientists and authors receive awards for discovering what no one else has.We are so used to knowing everything that the unknown and inexplicable are feared by us.

However, it is ironic that the same minds that create knowledge are what create the boundaries of humanity. The man in this stanza was so afraid “in that he mistook the shadow of its equipage for blackbirds.” He did not see an actual blackbird, but he just thought he had. From his mind, he had created his own fear. According to Alexander Popes “An Essay of Man,” humans are an isthmus connecting God and beast. We share the capacity to think like God but we are limited by our animal nature. The capacity of humans to think has no boundaries and limits, but the fears we create in our minds hold us back. Our fears capture us, tie us down, and keep us as their captives. They enslave us, blind us, and push us to the point of becoming barbaric and primitive.

Just as the man sits in a glass coach with a clear view of his surroundings, we can never hide ourselves from our fears. We cannot run away from the world and choose the things in life that we want to see. Whether we like it or not, we have to go through things that we have no control of, as if we are passengers in a coach. Although our glass coaches protect us as we are tossed around in them, they do not conceal us. The people outside can just as much see you as you can see them. They can see you in your weakest times and strongest; they can see when you are tied down by your fears. Everyone can see you when you are vulnerable.



today i took that test i mentioned in the previous blog entry! i still don’t know what to feel about how i did, but i know i can’t do anything anymore. there’s no point in beating myself up over something that is impossible for me to change. i can only hope for the best!!!

in unrelated news, i’m going to start using this blog as a venue for me to practice my writing. i seriously need to improve so expect more ~serious~ and hopefully insightful posts!


so tomorrow i will be taking a really really really really important test and i am a little nervous. just a little.

no but really, i am all jittery and stuff but i know i just have to accept whatever God has for me. (ugh, cheesy/generic/etc. but i am serious!!!)

WE CAN DO THIS, GOD! positivity!

003: in the land of heavenly pork buns and shopping

this weekend my family and i went on a vacation!!! it’s funny that we went on one in the middle of the school year. to make things funnier, a test that my FUTURE relies on is in 6 days! ha ha ha ha ha ha.

pretty much all we did there was eat and shop (and i’m not complaining one bit). we ate in REALLY good dimsum places, but my favorite will always be the pork buns. we ate in this one place in the middle of nowhere (seriously, it was in some old town and the restaurant looks like any other karinderia dimsum place except for its long line of people outside) and the baked pork buns there were the best thing EVER. the dough was sooo soft and it had this sweet crumbly layer on top. then the filling was SO DELICIOUS. the slices of pork were kinda big so it was a legit pork bun (you know how cheap pork buns are filled with cubes of “pork” and everything’s mushy? sometimes i think they fill it up with cat or something). I LOVE PORK BUNS!!!

aside from eating, shopping and walking around was fun. i love riding mtr’s in other countries hehe. and it was fun to spend time with my family and grandparents, etc.

so now you know how much i LOVE food and i think this post is getting too long.